Friday, August 5, 2011

Curb Your Enthusiasm -

Sometimes my desires crash into one another like thunder, like wind battering shutters against an old clapboard house.  I try to reconcile them with the tenacity of the blood hungry GOP, but the heart wants what it wants.  Yett the soul, too, has desires.  I struggle to extricate the small still voice of my higher self from the ego driven frenzy.  That voice, like most things worth cultivating, is elusive.  I believe that I want to hear it but I really find that I'd rather stay immersed in denial.

I've found that a person can believe the most extraordinary things about themselves and others.  For example, don't we all think that our intentions are good?  Worthy?  That is why I started to practice Reiki - a spiritually guided life energy form of healing accomplished through the laying on of hands.  One can practice this healing on themselves or others.  I have become acquainted with the gentle voice of my higher self while practicing Reiki.  But that voice tells me things that I'd rather not heed.  It tells me not to become involved with the conductor, Phisto, or the composer, Luca.  It feels like a deep knowing wisdom that gracefully rises to the surface in still waters.  But I'm in such turmoil that my emotional waters are rarely placid.

Phisto has helped me to perfect my musical interpretation, phrasing.  My voice, my instrument now seduces the music.  It scorches like fire, burns like ice.  But when I sing Luca's compositions, I need no coaching.  It feels as though I am singing my soul's melody.  I barely require coaching or study.  Luca's music is as much a part of my soul's signature as the unique sound of my voice.  His music defines my soul and through singing it, I have found myself.

Fragments of myself are irrefutably seduced by Phisto's power and wealth.  These are heady twins against the backdrop of New York's siren's call.

They are more than mortal men.  But I know that is impossible.  I think that my imagination has become inflamed. I strive to curb my enthusiasm and remain faithful to the music.  Music has saved my life.  And I know that straying from that purpose will destroy me.

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