Saturday, March 26, 2011

Sometimes Saying Goodbye Is The Best Way to Say That I Love You

"Sometimes saying goodbye is the best way to say that I love you." Cairn said he as stroked my bangs from my forehead.

We had moved to his cottage in County Kerry for it was time to prepare for the May 1, Beltaine ceremony when he would face StormRider as he had done centuries ago.  This time he had to vanquish him if Morgana and I were take a safe breath again.

I had called home to see if my mom had improved and had learned that she'd been moved to hospice.  My anguished tears rivaled a furious thunderstorm.  It seemed as though my grief was inconsolable and that I would never heal the ache that yawned like a cavern of hell within.

"I'm not ready." I choked.

"But she may be.  Do her the honor of letting her go."

"I've tried," I sobbed. "I used the ancient Indian prayer, 'I love you, I forgive you, I forgive myself, I'm sorry.' But all that I feel is this dread.  She is my last connection in this world.  I have no family without her."

"Your family is within yourself.  She will never truly leave. She is just transforming.  You've spoken of her beauty.  She will once again inhabit a youthful and radiant body."

"Yes, I've seen her during my Reiki sessions.  She is on the water in bright sunlight.  That is unusual for she is very fair and could never tolerate the sun, even for a few minutes.  And my friend, another Reiki healer, received the same image."

"Sweet one, you are never alone in the world.  You have many friends and people who love you.  I am one of them. Even so, you aren't alone.  You have a relationship with yourself and God."

I wasn't convinced as I felt the ache that had become as familiar as my own reflection, engulf me.  I always wanted to share my exploits with her, buy her gifts, make her life a happier place.  I felt bereft without her happiness that I used as a lens to reflect my success.

"There have been too many good-byes.  My father, my step-father, my sister, my ex - but that was a solid, you understand?  But not my mother. That is the essence of our connection to the world. We learn to orient ourselves through our mother's love and nurturing."

"It's time, long since past the time that you should have internalized her love and nourishment."

"Yes," I whispered.  "But she had a troubled passage here and was not able to be there in a way that a child hopes."  I finished ashamed and saddened as though I'd just betrayed her.

"My friend said that she had a message for me.  She said that she loved me and that she was sorry and that a part of her would always be with me.  I keep thinking that I can handle it, but somehow I am not."

"That's because you are resisting and not trusting.  Trust the Divine."

"Part of me wants to go ahead to show her the way."

"That's evil talk.  You can't mean that you would even consider..."

"I've been telling her that she gave me so much, love of beauty and language.  I fell in love with words and heard music through that idiom.  I love antiques and opera and so much that she shared with me.  I tell her to go.  But why can't I ask her to stay a bit longer if she is able."

Cairn held me as a child then.  He muscular arms surrounded me with warmth and his deep voice rumbled in my ear.  Once again I heard the lullaby that my mother had sung to me.  I drifted on the comfort of that familiar melody.  I felt a spinning light at the center of my third eye and I saw myself laughing with my young mother.  She was much younger than when she had given birth to me.  Her eyes a piercing blue such as you've seen on a crisp fall morning, her hair was long and gently swayed in the soft wind.  I felt her love and her comfort.  What right had I to keep her trapped in a body that had suffered numerous strokes?  I felt our hands clasp across the water and her love was sure and firm, such as I wasn't able to trust during our time together in reality.

We spoke deeply and honored each other for the gift of having experienced this life together.
I fell asleep against the rhythm of the rocking water and Cairn's steady heartbeat that washed over me like waves breaking on the sand.  I had some peace.




Sunday, March 20, 2011

When Two Strong Men Come Face to Face

Soon Cairn will reenact Beltaine's Spring fire ceremony.  On this night two centuries ago Cairn and StormRider faced each other as mortal enemies and they both died at each other's hands.

Beltaine, an advanced spiritual seeker gave Cairn the gift of continuing life in his current physical form, as a Vampayre, until he was able to achieve spiritual advancement approaching enlightenment.
Another god saved StormRider, a bloodthirsty Roman devoted to destroying all Pagan rituals, though he himself was a pagan and had darker motivations for his bloody exploits.  He also hated women.  When StormRider opened his black eyes, the world shuddered that he again would walk the earth, as a Vampire.


Since Beltaine re-created Cairn as a Vampayre Cairn would have to reach out to Beltaine to participate in the deadly ceremony.  The evil entity that had created StormRider would presumably be present.  It would be a night when two strong would come face to face and I could not bear the thought of losing Cairn.  I was tempted to ask him to follow me to another land, another continent, anywhere that wasn't here and now on the eve of his destruction.


I felt the softening air move gently across my face and lift the hair from my throat.  I inhaled life's sweet awakening and wept at the thought of what I now could possibly lose.

Breaking out of the Purgatorian's Fate - Folly or Madness

"You did what?" I choked on a sip of water.  Cairn and I had spent another night beneath the stars.  I think that we needed to get back indoors so that we could really focus on StormRider and the apocalyptic storm that was brewing and threatening to destroy our new world together.  Though we wouldn't have wanted to forego our lazy but refreshing swim beneath the milky way at 3:00 AM earlier that morning.

"I broke it off with NightShade." Lila managed again.  And I felt her heart crumble with every stilted syllable that she spoke.

"And that would be why?"

"He'll die when I tell him that I love him.  As a Purgatorian when he gets his heart's desire, he dies."

"You think that you can circumvent his supernatural destiny by pretending not to love him?  The fates are a little more savvy than that."

"Yes but it hasn't been spoken.  I could still change my mind."

"How's that working out for you?" I asked.  I felt Cairn's warm hand play across my shoulders and wished that we could dive into water and cleanse ourselves of all the complications. I regretted what I'd said for Lila was sobbing.

"Honey, there must be a way to find redemption or to break the contract. But you do love him. Pretending that you don't just won't fool the fates.  He's realized his heart's desire.  NightShade has loved again and that love is returned."

"What do I do then?  Make love to him one last time and hold him while he dies?"

"I'll do some research on Purgatorians, their history and when they were first documented.  Have you done some research?"

"They're not exactly Google friendly, you know?  I haven't done research in a library in ages."

We needed an expert and then I thought of Sofie. Surely a journalist would have access to resources, information.

"Let me call a friend of mine.  I need to speak with her anyway.  Just sit tight and don't do anything else like convince him that you hate him or something brilliant like that."

"I'm scared." Lila said.

"I know, honey," and I looked at Cairn and thought about how I feared losing him.  Storm was out there waiting for his chance to destroy him, us.  I was scared as well.  Love like this was well, supernatural.  And once you've tasted its intensity, its delights, you were doomed without it.

Lila called me

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Divine Male and Divine Female Energies - Love's Essential Nature

I lay listening to Cairn's rugged breathing, not quite a snore, but not the gentle puffs of babies' either.  I'd had a dream that haunted me. I dreamt of the divine feminine and the divine masculine energies.  I considered how we have so many expectations of love and usually destroy a connection before it's had a chance to bond.  Like alchemists, we tamper with chemistry, language and nuance until we're cast into the dark asylum of loneliness once more.  Or, we imbue the beloved with powers that they can't possibly possess, with the exception of supernaturals, naturally.

We like to assume that our lover gives us strength and courage.  But he/she only awakens and enlivens the dormant giant that lies within, starved and most likely horribly bored.  This is what came to me in my vision.

I felt the presence of a woman, swathed in white with a glittering crystal head dress that sparked lights across the vast, diaphanous milky way.  Her eyes were large orbits where compassion and love resided side by side.  The DF loved with sweet intensity and ferocity.  She had the ability to gentle wildly uncontrollable impulses and the strength to love the intolerable. Her wisdom spread across the universe and she was centered in peaceful nurturing power.  She possessed the capacity to receive with humility, love and strength.  Her hand lay gently on the mane of a white tiger, who waved his tale in peace and adoration.  His chalcedony colored pale blue eyes spoke of intense devotion.

The Divine Masculine inhabited his space with equal valor and strength.  A voluminous white cloak lay casually across his expansive muscles and he was alert but also at peace.  His dark eyes scanned the horizon assuring that all was well.  He loved the feminine with grace and power.  He honored her with his devotion and looked to her for wisdom and intuition.  His instinct was formed in the forest of another god.  He nurtured with strength and watched with vigilance.  His gaze both far and near was ever watchful of that which he vowed to protect with his life, the divine feminine.

That is how I allowed myself to feel with Cairn.  I felt that I possessed a supernatural wisdom and deeply powerful insight that embraced my lover's power and weakness and held them both within balance so that they each drew wisdom from the other.  For the darkness can not exist without the light, nor can the light illumine our way without the night's sightless terror.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Ancient Celtic Love and Vampayre Travels to Inner Regions

I fell asleep with Cairn's muscular length curled around my satisfied body.  I'd never felt such completion or peace.  I remembered thinking that I was more in my body than I'd ever been and yet I felt as though I floated above it, watching and savoring the moment.  Then I began to travel internally to regions filled with intensely colored jewels. The air was thinner, lighter, and more potent.  I felt as though I were breathing pure oxygen and as though I danced on what felt like weightless intensity.  Cairn spoke softly in my ear, the words must have been Celtic, but I'd the feeling that he was saying that he loved me.

"Is tu mo ghra," is what he actually breathed in Celtic - meaning "I love you."

When I became aware of my body again, I realized that we were kissing.  But Cairn's kiss opened inner vistas that mystics speak of and spend their lives pursuing.

My head filled with haunting music.  It was a more sophisticated version of an Austrian lullaby that my mother sang to me as a child. I've always loved that song and when I was stressed or unhappy I would hum the luscious melody and feel my mother's comforting presence and knew that all would be well.  How could Cairn have known that? I felt as though I were connected with everything in the universe and alternatively that the universe was contained within me.

When I did return to my body Cairn was staring intently into my eyes.

"Storm is gathering his strength.  We must act quickly."

I just held him to me and said a prayer.  I was going to reach out to a detective friend and ask him to watch Morgana.  It was then that she called me.  She was not doing well.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Ancient Druid Rites and Lovemaking before Beltane's Fire


I learned that Cairn was an ancient and powerful Druid.  StormRider was the Roman who had sought to destroy Cairn's way of life and the precious mysteries that sustained the Druids.  They honored and respected all of life and the Roman found that barbaric.  There had been talk of human sacrifice, but I know that Cairn was not capable of that. Perhaps if it was for the greater good and spiritual advancement.

Cairn was the most powerful Druid and led his people with compassion and honor.  StormRider had vowed to kill Cairn and to destroy his people and their ancient mysteries.  Cairn and StormRider were imprisoned in a deadly battle for each was a powerful man.  Cairn begged to sacrifice his life in exchange for his people.  Storm Rider sneered and taunted him in return.

"It's not the life of one barbaric dog that I'm after, but the whole pagan tribe of devils.  I will rid the region of your poison and whet my tongue with your blood in victory."

And so their fate had been sealed.  StormRider did manage to taste Cairn's blood as he lay dying.  They each had inflicted a simultaneous mortal blow upon the other.  Their destinies were thereafter entwined on the eve that the Druids celebrated spring - the re-awakening of the earth, fertility and life. For it was on the night that the Druids celebrated the earth's awakening after a cold winter's sleep, that they had their final battle. It was to have been a night when Beltaine's fire burned like a tiger's eyes in the depths of the forest.  Traditionally young people adorned their hair with the first spring offerings and made love warmed by Beltane's fiery glow.  It was Beltane who breathed immortality in to Cairn's broken body.  And when Cairn awakened he was the immortal Vampayre -dedicated spiritual seeker, half man  and  half angel.

"But it was before the vision left my eyes that I saw your face," Cairn told me as he held me against his vast chest.

So much love was contained there and I lay my head against Cairn's muscular warmth and dreamed ancient dreams where ignorant devils like StormRider did not walk the earth.  We had lit a fire such as the one that was lit each year to celebrate Beltane.  The fire's glow traced love patterns on our naked bodies.  And we gave ourselves to each other in the same way that the young people did - with the joy and abandon of first love.  So did we taste its sweetness and revel in her gracious bounty.

His body was more familiar to me than my own.  My hands and tongue seemed to follow an internal map that had been etched on my soul - the map of his body and spirit.  So entwined were we that I could not discern where our individual bodies began or ended.  We were in  eternity's arms at the dawn of time - destined for each other by the gods that created us.


I learned that Cairn was an ancient and powerful Druid.  StormRider was the Roman who sought to destroy his way of life and the precious mysteries that sustained the Celts.  They honored and respected all of life.  There had been talk of human sacrifice, but I know that Cairn was not capable of that. Perhaps if it was for the greater good and spiritual advancement.  Celts were careful... they approached the most mundane tasks and projects with a reverence and ritual born of the need to pacify local gods, and to avoid being captured by faeries.

Cairn was the 

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Vampayres - Lovers of Beauty and Music- Just Lovers

http://www.amazon.com/Violet-Hour-Metaphysical-Love-Story-ebook/dp/B00L3R2DUY/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1403296303&sr=1-1&


Just Beautiful MenAfter all as a Vampayre, I had exceptional gifts.  We were essentially spiritual creatures, half angel and half man, but like all souls, we Vampayres struggled with free will, but we also possessed extraordinary abilities to charm humans, which challenged their free will.  We had unnatural physical beauty and epic sexual magnetism.  Vampayres were often seduced by music and usually had other worldly musical talents amongst others.  For instance, I heard peoples’ thoughts and energetic vibrations as music.  And through their music, I was able to read their thoughts.  My abilities extended to animals and other creatures, like Phisto.
            Let me finish, for we have many talents.  Vampayres also have full, sensual lips and excel at kissing.  Kissing was the more compassionate way that we could kill our victims.  Expertly and gently at first, we would caress their lips with ours and penetrate their mouths until we suffocated them by sucking all
 of their breath.  Their deaths were essentially pleasant though, for we filled their heads with beautiful music that had accompanied them through their lives.  We lured and consoled them with their individual sound vibration that lulled them into blissful, hypnotic states.  They went peacefully, blissfully even towards death’s caress.
            Beware though, we were also vicious when betrayed and would do anything, anything, to protect our loved ones.  And we Vampayres were also capable of killing in more painful and far less gentle ways.heir free will.  We had unnatural physical beauty and epic sexual magnetism.  Vampayres were often seduced by music and usually had other worldly musical talents amongst others.  For instance, I heard peoples’ thoughts and energetic vibrations as music.  And through their music, I was able to read their thoughts.  My abilities extended to animals and other creatures, like Phisto.
            Let me finish, for we have many talents.  Vampayres also have full, sensual lips and excel at kissing.  Kissing was the more compassionate way that we could kill our victims.  Expertly and gently at first, we would caress their lips with ours and penetrate their mouths until we suffocated them by sucking all
 of their breath.  Their deaths were essentially pleasant though, for we filled their heads with beautiful music that had accompanied them through their lives.  We lured and consoled them with their individual sound vibration that lulled them into blissful, hypnotic states.  They went peacefully, blissfully even towards death’s caress.
            Beware though, we were also vicious when betrayed and would do anything, anything, to protect our loved ones.  And we Vampayres were also capable of killing in more painful and far less gentle ways.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Vampayre Lore and Mysticism in County Kerry

Donegal, Ireland on GlobalGrasshopper.com
Cairn returned to me bloodied but unbowed, metaphorically speaking.  I was a biped again and ran into his arms with a speed that rivaled any feline.  Morgana was relieved to know that StormRider had been badly injured but Cairn had to return to his home in County Kerry on the Iveragh Peninsula to perform some ancient Celtic magic that would destroy StormR.  That is before StormRider could reenact a ritual that dated to Stonehenge. Theirs was an old feud rooted in religion and politics.  It was during that time that they became immortal enemies and ceased to be men.  Cairn asked if I wanted to return to New York with Morgana or travel with him to County Kerry, though he admonished that it would be a trip devoted to destroying Storm.

"Though others will take his place," he warned. "But they won't be as focused on my destruction.  Our destinies were entwined and sealed when we killed each other at dusk in a raging battle on one of Ireland's most alluring shores when the sky was bruised purple and gold, as if atoning for our sins."

God did I love the way that he spoke.  There was such poetry and magic in his voice and being.

I only wanted to dance to the music of his voice and sleep on the waves of his gentle breath.  I didn't know enough about Vampayres to fear him, but I was about to learn, more than I wanted.

Home Sweet Vampayre Home


Thursday, March 3, 2011

Vampayre Love Trick - As told by Morgana

Okay this is a bit crazy but Cairn turned me into a cat. Oh, I'm gratified that I am a beautiful, silky-haired, green-eyed bombshell.  Still, I'm a cat.  He said that I didn't have the self-control to resist the two deadly t's - tweeting and texting.  I admit that he lavishes love on me and now considers my chin an erogenous zone, which I must sayit is.  I sleep sprawled across his sexy chest and I do lavish kisses on him with my dainty cat tongue, but I want my human form.  I've conscripted a terrified Morgana to write this so that you don't worry unnecessarily.  Naturally there's no cause for alarm since I am fine.  It's just that I am a buxom, voluptuous, roundly rounded Persian cat!

To catch you up, Cairn and StormRider come from deadly rival lines.  StormRider came into my life through Morgana who contacted me to tell me about her relationship with a supernatural.  StormRider knew about my connection with Cairn and used me to avenge himself.  Not too complicated.  Only that StormRider is a particularly vicious and carnivorous Vampire whose line had originally been destroyed through a woman's deception.  So they are more or less totally misogynistic.  Hence his fierce attack on Morgana and his vow to kill me and Cairn and probably, Morgana.

I won't dwell on this as she just blanched and looked a little faint.  I am able to communicate bodily and telepathically.  Frankly, I'm terrified.  Cairn should just turn Morgana into a brutal dog or something so that we can get back to our lives.  Ooo, almost just took a little cat nap, pardon the obvious pun.

I can't reveal our location but we managed to get to a broken down pub that would allow a cat to enter.  Their computer is positively ancient but it's getting the job done.  And Morgana managed to bribe the proprietor to scramble our location - something technical - but he took the cash.

Seriously send us positive energy and light this is very precarious situation in which to find one.....

Cairn is looking for me, I can feel it.  Have to run, as much as I can.